Killing me softly with his song...

I have to apologize. I haven't updated this blog in ages, it seems. So let's update real quick before we get to the meat and potatoes.

Updates:

• Took my finals
• Failed finals
• Took my practice shelf exams (absurd)
• If my shelf exams were real, I probably would've failed those too.

Finals sucked. I don't think I have ever felt more humiliated or depressed. My mentor talked to me about my performance and said that she was "very surprised". I don't care so much about disappointing my mentor, but more so how I am going to rectify this. Of course I have to study over my winter break so I can retake my exams. What's even worse is that I have to retake 4 subjects. My mentor made it seem that I could realistically only pass two of my major subjects and then I would have to carry over one major and one minor subject. That plus a grueling fourth semester load and studying for the shelf exams seems impossible.

What I hate the most about finals time are people that claim to have failed an exam, but in actuality, they passed with flying colors and know it. They only say they failed to make you feel better for the short term and then knock you down (indirectly, of course) when they are all smiles about passing. Yes, I am very bitter.

So, at this point in time, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to change my habits to be a successful medical school student. I did find some hints that I want to believe are helpful. They were published here by a Ross University medical student. All I can say right now about my first semester is that medical school sucks and it ruins people's outlook on life. I can definitely see myself turning into a Dr. House personality; bitter, tired, cynical and distrusting of others.

After all is said and done, I am going to take the next couple days to reassert and reevaluate myself. Over break (Dec 16 - Jan 9) I plan to study the days away.

Actually, after the update, I don't feel like writing anymore. Too depressed and dismayed. I'll write more later.

Schooled.